New Year

I've been away for a while. Things were incredibly hectic and the thoughts could not, would not, convey themselves to my blog. But I am in the mood to blog again.

Something amiss

I sit and ponder why I have such a restless feeling. Things are going as smoothly as they can, at the moment. Everyone is relatively happy and healthy as am I, but I have the feelings of things not accomplished. My routine is the same every day. Work 12 hours with a 2.5 hour round trip commute just to be able to pay bills and put away a little something. The end of the fiscal year for the job is coming up June 30th and everyone is waiting to exhale as to whether they will be employed come the first of July. Many think of the severance package: 2 weeks base pay for every year of service. For me that would be a nice package, and following behind that will be, if needed because I haven't found work, applying for unemployment. Per the move to Jersey, the unemployment rate is much higher than the rate for New York, so that will a offer a little solace. But what of the pounding the pavement trying to find a new gig. The thought of it is draining. Every year during this time comes the awareness of fiscal uncertainty for the company for which I work. The trickle down effect of firing/laying-off-to-never-be re-hired workers who are deemed expendable by the powers-that-be so that they may get their six figure bonuses is disturbing. And to think this corporate greed can turn my life upside down has me at an imbalance. I trudge ahead, but am always aware of the possibilities of that dreaded spiel, "We think you are a wonderful employee and am sorry to inform you that because of ...."

I forge ahead knowing I can survive whatever comes my way. I think?

Class Trip to Criminal Court

There are many headlines in the news today in The New York City papers involving the criminality of young people. Young girl, 9 years old kills 11 year old friend. 12 year old Long Island girl strangles mother to death. 17 Year old Long Island, NY boy choke holds his father to death at the family barbecue. I see these headlines and am numbed at the impossibilities and the possibilities. Why is it not impossible for a child to strike and kill the one that gave them life? And to do such a vicious act at an age that should be full of innocence? How is this possible that children are killing at the age of 9?

My daughter is 13 years old and her 8th grade class took a tour of the criminal court of New York City. I was asked to come along as a chaperon. I was happy to do something for the class and for my daughter. When I arrived at my daughter's school and was introduced to her classmates, I felt good about the excursion and the adventure it would bring us. I did not expect the trip to be as deeply emotional as it was.

The trip came about because the children had a mock court in their class and were learning of court procedures and rules. The teacher decided at the end of the two week mock court to actually have them visit the several courts in downtown Manhattan. We were to visit the many courts that are featured in Law and Order, the television franchised tv programs. We were treated very respectfully by the court officers who were cheery and smiling when ushering us through the process of being screened for weapons. They made the experience as good as possible, but though pleasant could not mask the seriousness included in having your body scanned for weapons. That was the first step in the children being aware of the possibilities of violence and crime and the real life in which it happens.

We were met by an Assistant District Attorney of which there are over 500 in Manhattan Criminal Court. He was very sweet and didn't take any mess from mostly East Harlem Children he would be escorting through halls in which he prosecuted hardened criminals. I worried previous to meeting him that he would be overwhelmed by the children, many of whom were much taller and bigger, and, some seemed, more street wise than even me. He was old hat with the children, not hesitating to tell them to be quiet when it was needed, telling them to act right, and doing so without looking at me or the teacher for the go ahead. There were seventeen children in all and it was just me and their teacher escorting them to and from the school, and during the court proceedings he was with us. We meet him initially in a conference room and we all were sizing each other up, doing the usually thing people do when meeting others for the first time. He was explaining what his position was and what was the difference between a felony and a misdemeanors, and because the children knew a lot of the answers he asked from where did they got their knowledge of the court system and its proceedings. Many said from watching show such as Law and Order and The Wire, which happens to be a cable show. He said incredulously, "Oh some of you guys have cable?" And the air just sucked out of the room. The kids and I looked at him, "Like, what we can't have cable? What, just 'cause we're from the inner city, we don't have money to afford cable?" No one said it, but we were all thinking those words. It was like, "Oh, this is a bleeding heart liberal trying to give back to inner city people, meanwhile we didn't ask him for jack." Everyone kind of held their breath, and just paused. I said to myself, "Uh oh, this guy just messed up real bad." But he felt the tension really quick and understood from where it came, and said "No, no, that's cool you have it. You're lucky 'cause I am way too poor to afford cable." Everyone exhaled because his statement was from the heart and seemed beyond truthful and not judgmental of the children's' financial situation, but simply, just sorrowful about his. Everyone laughed. He, at the point, was alright with the children because he passed a major test: that he did not fake the funk about his financial situation. Often times that is a ice breaker for many people in social situations, and more specifically, in this one involving children from the inner city.

We continued with the lesson of what happens in court and then he laid down the law as to how the children were to act when going to the various court rooms. We would be going to the arraingment courtroom first, and that involved people who were arrested the night before who would then, by law, have to be seen within 36 hours by a judge and told why they were arrested, and what was to happen to them to address the charge. Would they be given a desk appearance ticket to come back and answer to the charge? Would they be released on their own recognizance or have to put up bail to guarantee they return to court? Or would the crime be so serious there would be no bail and they would be put away in the jail until a trial? There were other circumstances a person could find themselves under in the arraingnment court. What was stressed the most was the importance of having the uptmost reverence for the proceedings as this was a life and death situation for some people. At minimum, family members were present in the courtroom and were likely to be upset that their loved one was locked up for the night in prison, and per that we were to be respectful which entailed no talking, chewing gum, cell phones, no movement, just complete and utter attention to the proceedings.

What rattled many of us were that out of 10 defendants 3 were 16 years of age. That was a shock and many thought they should have been in Family Court. Upon leaving the courtroom we conferred in a common area outside of it, and were told by The ADA that what those teenagers were charged with obligated the courts to have their proceedings in Criminal Court. One of the cases involved a 16 year old who got caught up because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The police got a report of a young Hispanic man in a particular school with a gun in Spanish Harlem. Spanish Harlem is called just that because it is an enclave of Spanish, or rather Latino people, in Harlem. For the police to look for a Latino man in a school located within a Latino enclave that would presumably turn up the majority of the male population of the school as Latino, and do so without extreme care because of the great possibility of getting the wrong guy, is beyond me. This young man attended the school being investigated and was cutting class and was therefore the only one in the halls when the police pounced on him as he fit the general description of "Hispanic Male with a gun" He unfortunately did not react correctly as he fought the two plain clothes police men who undoubtedly were in fear of their life as they were doing their job and accosted him. They had probably cause as this young man fit the very general description of an armed man. Instead what they found was an unarmed man child, who was rightfully in the school he attended, albeit, he was out of class wondering the hall. Cutting class is an infraction of school rules but not a crime in the penal system. What is a crime is resisting being searched for a weapon when there is probable cause, and then fighting with and swinging on the police officers who are trying to frisk you, and doing the frisking within the letter of the law. This was explained to us by The ADA who noticed the looks on the children's, and I am sure, on my face, as to the ridiculousness of the situation that landed the boy, so young, in a prison, with grown men, for 36 hours, who will now, undoubtedly have a police record, because no matter that he was not the man the report indicated, but that he fought with the police in the course of their duty. And as such, these actions are punishable under the law.

We then went to another courthouse which had the trial phase of the criminal court process. After a person is charged with a crime should s/he not plead guilty to the crime and accept the punishment offered by a judge, the case goes to trial. We were witness to a murder trail and The ADA took the time to again stress the need for reverence and told of the two times he mistakenly thought his own cell phone was off and was reprimanded by the judge who took the cell phone away from him to only be returned after The ADA asked for it at the end of the work day. It was stressed that a man was on trial for murdering a man in the streets of Manhattan, and that should he lose the case he would be in jail for the rest of his life. We happened upon the day when the most riveting testimony happened, and it was the day the testimony was about how the murder took place. An eye witness came on the stand and told the gory details and we in the audience were riveted. It was an eye opening experience where the defense, trying to discredit the witness, got into the life of the witness and made it known that he was uneducated and a convicted felon, and the prosecution tried to paint a prettier picture of the eye witness by telling of his struggle of being born into poverty and struggling to survive. It was very interesting, and we happened on the day when the testimony was crucial.

The class trip was extraordinary in that I was able to spend time with my daughter in an environment that was hers exclusively. I saw her interact with her classmates and was struck by the respect they had for each other. Many of the students were from Spanish Harlem and were rough and tumble and were beautiful specimens of our youth. They were street wise, book smart, and respectful, and that is a wonderful combination. The trip was also extraordinary because of all the defendants in those Manhattan courtrooms, not one was white. All of the defendants were persons of color, and made me ask myself, "What, no White people committed any crimes on The Island of Manhattan." And all of the defendants are men. The Kings of people of color were locked up, and sure, maybe some of them were guilty, but why such a statistical lop-sidedness, a disparity, to the racial make-up of those being arraingned and tried. The young man who was arrested for resisting and was essentially in the wrong place at the wrong time, when released on his own recognizance, after spending the night in the infamous Tombs jail cells in the bowels of the city of NY only because he fit such a broad description in a neighborhood were the majority of the men fit it, was upsetting to see. When he turned from the judge and was released, an older woman, possibly his mother, met him in the aisle, with tears streaming down her face, and when he saw her, his face almost dissolved into tears but it was evident he choked them back and slung his arm around her neck and they walked out, him with defiance, and possibly with a hate for the penal system and its caretakers because of a situation that was all so avoidable. Will he be able to put this incidentsin a box within him so that it does not contaminate the goodness that is in him, or will he let it release into his soul, to darken it and darken his spirit? It was frustrating to see the many aspects of this court system and its incongruity and its exaggerated representation of the criminality we all know does not statistically occur in a metropolis like NYC.

It was a great class trip.

In The Box

Recently I attended an event that required me to wait in a waiting area with several women. Upon entering he area as directed I went to a seat that was unoccupied and proceeded to take off my sweater and exhale knowing I had arrived on time and the event would soon start. I was happy to be there and to have done so without incident. Then came a woman who stood over me, in the proverbial box that I set up around myself to determine if someone is just too close, and proceeded to tell me I was in her seat. I, still doing the tasks of setting myself up to sit for a moment, stopped my movements and looked up at her in a slow manner, all the while looking at the vast amount of unoccupied seats all about us, and said to the woman slowly while looking in her eyes, for her to go find another seat and to do so because my sitting in "her" seat should not be a big deal. I further glanced around me to re-assert that there was no way for me or the best detective in the world to decipher if I was sitting in "her" chair as there were no items of clothing nor bags in its vicinity. I was amazed that she was "up on me" in such close poximity and surmised she must not be a native New Yorker as anyone who is would never have been that close without there not being a good reason such as a crowded subway or restaurant.

This chick was trying to intimidate me, why I don't know, to move out of a seat that upon view no one would have surmised had ever been occupied by her, and per these facts it can only be surmised that this chick was just power playing. The tables were turned on her quickly when the normally low base that is my voice got even lower when I told her to find another seat. She may have very well been in the seat before I entered the room and vacated it when she got up to partake of the wonderful refreshments that were laid out for all the attendants which is probably when I entered the room thus not knowing she had been sitting there. But for her to then think that any new arrivals could discern who was formerly sitting in the many seats available and to then intimidate someone into moving from a seat she once occupied by standing over said person, closely, with a hot cup of coffee, was mind boggling.

I practiced restraint on this occasion, and thought I handled it well. I talked to her like she was one of my children when I tell them to go sit down somewhere when they get on my nerves. She replied like a child when she heard the tone of my voice with a very perky voice, "Oh that's OK. I'll just move to another seat even though my stuff is there." I looked around AGAIN to ascertain what stuff she was talking about and saw AGAIN that there was none, and just thought to myself she was just trying to save face because she was put in the awkward position, and more specifically, she had the awkward position she tried to put on me thrown back on her.

I was offended by someone standing over me while I was sitting, and doing so with hot cup of coffee that could have easily spilled on me, and per that, I felt she was very threatening. I have not felt that feeling in a while from anyone, and it was shocking. It came from a person that I felt was used to getting her way, and I was not letting that happen because she was rude, there were plenty of other seats available, and I don't threaten easily. If looks could kill this chick would have been dead a hundred times over.

The moment was a very NY moment and I have not encountered one of late as I think I project a certain, "Do not mess with me" as soon as I step foot outside my apartment door, as do most NY'ers, and we all get along famously. Everyone knows where the lines are drawn and everyone has that box made up of those lines in which you are in the center, and no one is to intrude. For this chick to step in that box so aggressively is shocking to me, and reinforces my notion that it can come from anywhere a situation that can drive you to smack the living day lights out of someone who steps to you so aggressively. I handled the moment I think as gracefully as anyone could have, and didn't hesitate in understanding the situation. Years ago I think I would have been confused and possibly have moved as she sounded so confident that I made such a harsh mistake and she was pointing it out by embarrassing me in front of 20 people, loudly. I think I have grown in sniffing out the drama queens of the world, who don't take the high road, but take the low and try to drag many of us down there with them.

Only in NY.

Consumer Addict

A guy from work invited me to the release party for a CD he performed in with his choir. It was to be held in Hell's Kitchen of NYC with free eats and drinks. I was happy for him and his success and wished to party with him and his friends. I took the subway to Delancy Street in NYC and emerged at dusk to see the sun shimmering off the East River just beyond The FDR Drive and it many homeward bound cars and their occupants. It was a beautiful sight and a beautiful night. I walked west towards Houston towards a church and entered into its sanctuary to a sensory overload. The music was blasting and there was a continuous stream of film of my friend and his group on many of the walls of the church. The Church had no pews which allowed for the crowd and the hot dog stands and the pop corn machines and the open bars from which people partook the tasty treats. The crowd was load and excited and the vibe was very New York. I looked around at the standing room only crowd and saw a man with a shawl fur and a advant guard skirt with combat boots on who looked very interesting. Most were upwardly mobile looking, if not upper middle class, and that, in my opinion, is not a bad thing.

The theme of the night was consumerism and the specific aspect of everyone's purchasing all items consumed responsibly. It was a night that spoke of everyone being aware of many of the things consumed by us everyday have a heavier price paid than that we put in the cash register. While we sip on lattes purchased from S.t.a.r.b.u.c.k. it was said during this event I attended that this multi-million dollar conglomerate uses underpaid and therefore exploited labor in third-world countries. I paused during the festivities that were presented to all as a choir in a church and done so in a comedy skit fashion I suppose to soften the blow of the essential lecture being put forth that we are all slaves to consumerism. Many of us want the latest fashions, cell phones, food, visit the latest restaurant, etc. and do not think of how the products being consumed were derived and produced and delivered for our consumption. It is a phenomenon that those conglomerates that produce such products certainly don't want the consumers to thinks about as many of us would give pause when and perhaps would not purchase said items.

The Rev.erend Bill.y and The Sto.p Sh.opping Choir is the official name of the choir my friend belongs to and have, upon my investigation into their website, a history televangelical satire to put forth the message of responsible consumerism. The are often at major political and consumer related events such as the recent Repub.lican Natio.nal Convention and The Wor.ld Tra.de Organization gatherings that happened recently in NYC. It is admirable that such a group exists and made me think about who I am as a consumer. It just struck me as sad as most of those present in the audience seemed not to need much prodding to believe the message being put forth, and that those who most needed to hear the message of that evening are the young people with the still forming view points about consumerism who clamor for those items pitched continuously by commercials and The M.T.V. culture we live in today.

The night was fantastic and I appreciated being invited as it makes me aware of my need to be ever vigilant in understanding what I consume litterally affects the world around me.

Casual Racism

Casual racism effects society in countless ways and chips away at the very soul of those who encounter it on a daily basis.

"Oh, you're from Harlem! You don't act like someone from Harlem."

"Oh, you go to (an Ivy League) University?! How did YOU get in?! You're on scholarship, right? Oh, you're in the degree program and not some certificate program!?"

Getting on an elevator a Caucasian woman when she sees you, an African-American woman entering the elevator alone, shifts her pocketbook to the other side of her body, and looks fearful, as the doors of the elevator closes.

A problem comes up on the job and someone is asked to get a specific supervisor who is sitting on the other side of the department. She is training. The person is given the name of said supervisor and when sent to summon the supervisor, sees an African-American woman who is training two Caucasian women employees who are subordinate. He excuses himself to the African-American woman and speaks to the two Caucasian women and asks which of them is the supervisor. They point to the African-American woman who he has just ignored as possibly being the supervisor he was sent to summon.

A well known Georgia State Congress Woman, an African-American Woman, and two of her clerks try to enter The House of Representatives for a meeting of Congress, and the two Caucasian women are allowed to enter without being asked for ID to prove their identity and the reason for their being there, but The Congress Woman is stopped and detained and questioned when she does not provide ID nor is she believed when she states that she is a Congress Woman. A similar incident happens again months later. Members of Congress are traditionally not requested to show ID, but the civilians who work for them are, when trying to enter The Floor of The House of Representatives. Congress Woman Cynthia McKinney lodged a formal complaint as to her treatment at the hands of security.

A woman decides to run away from her home days before her wedding, a wedding that included 14 brides maids. It is unclear why she ran, but it is certainly clear that she lied when she called to state the reason for her disappearance. She stated that she had been kidnapped by a Latino Man and his Caucasian female companion. She then recanted a few days later. Sometimes during such weird cases of disappearances and other extreme matters, a person will lie to cover the fact that they are the reason for the extreme matter occurring by saying someone, usually a person of color, created the problem. This stems from the fact that it is so easy to believe a person of color committed a crime.

The feasibility of stating a lie - that a disappearance occurred because of an act of criminality by a Latino - is that which is the very base of what society thinks of people of color. And all other thoughts about people of color by persons spring from this very base and foundation, thus tinting the thought process of what and who people of color are, as a group, with casual racism. The woman did not care that she risked The Latino men of her community being snatched from their homes, cars, and jobs, to be questioned by police authority as to her whereabouts. The casualness of some racism and its acceptability in it being spoken and used as a weapon to thwart the truth, and its acceptability allowing those who use it to think of people of color as beneath them and inferior, and hoping that others do same so that lies will be believed, is angering.

Casual racism, the small incidences, and not the outlandishly racist occurrences we read about, are sometimes more effecting in spreading ugliness than the not so casual racism, as it is a process that ferments and festers in the brain to be forever remembered as a slight that was unjustified, undeserved, unwarranted, and came about just because of the color of one's skin and the inherent racism that exists in the society to which we all belong.

PTO Days

There are many who are familiar with the expression PTO. Paid Time Off is magic to many working people's ears as it allows them to escape their jobs and take a vacation. Or if one is sick, one can call in to the job and tell of whatever illness they are suffering with knowing they will be paid while they languish and recuperate from what ails them. My job moved my department from the Wall Street area of NYC to Jersey City, NJ and many of my department were none to happy. This has manifested in many not showing up for work for numerous days. We have been at the new location for about eight weeks and about 60% of my department's workers have not completed a full week of work. Many of the absences are unscheduled, and the amount per my group is massive and exemplifies the dissatisfaction with the move from NYC to NJ. Before we left New York it was obvious many of my department had used most of their PTO, as it is a normally weird practice to abuse the system of PTO days, and many had done so before it actually accrued. The company for which we worked has always forwarded the time to the workers as a sign of good faith, and of course doing so knowing it would be easy to recoup whatever money was extended via PTO when the person left the employ of our job from the last check of said employee.

What is shocking is the rate that days are being used via PTO in our new facility. It is as if people do not want to be here, and are therefore risking being looked upon like irresponsible employees. And this is happening from the managerial level all the way down to temporary employees. But what is baffling is that they all need their jobs. No one is independently rich (to my knowledge) and works to appease some work demon they have inside themselves. So it is astounding that the manifestation of not wanting to be someplace acts out in taking unscheduled days that may not be paid for because of over extension of the usage of PTO.

It is certain that the vibe is different when going to work. When working on Wall Street one knew that though the job was not creative nor paid well, when one stepped out of the office one could find a vibrancy from the neighborhood in which the job was located. There may be a concert of major stars just blocks away in Battery Park. We have all seen, with our office views of the Statue of Liberty, concerts directly across the street with such performances from Janet Jackson, James Brown, Black Eyed Peas, Wyclef Jean, Nora Jones, Mos Def, Robert DeNiro, to name a few. And now, what do we get? Jersey. So, people are not happy as the neighborhood in which the job is located, while it is a neighborhood consisting of skyscapers on par with the ones left on Wall Street, does not have even a percentage of the vibrancy that was in the neighborhood of Wall Street. The place becomes deserted come five o'clock and literally tumbleweeds could roll down the avenue without bumping into anything. It is so desolate, but with the monstrosity that is the skyscrapers in the area, it looks like a vacant set of a very big budgeted blockbuster movie in a metropolis.

Having said the above, it is understood why people would be disillusioned about the job and what it once offered in terms of outside entertainment, but one thing is certain, bills still have to be paid. So, yes it is understood that there is an adjustment period, but for 60% of the staff to have had an unscheduled absence at least once a week for all the weeks we have been in New Jersey, and many to do so when their PTO has already been exhausted and therefore will not get paid for the days absent, is beyond incomprehensible.

But then, those are the types of people I work with. They are inexplicable in their actions.